Day 4: What's In My Way

Yesterday, I talked about how I wanted to go to school for counseling and lose some weight. I neglected to mention that I would also write a lot more if I were living my ideal lifestyle. So, what is keeping me from living the life I want to live to the point where I have to whine about it online?

Mostly, the problem is one of money and motivation. If I had to add a third "m" it would be mood. An old friend of mine was kind enough to hire me to do a job for which I have zero qualifications. It pays $14 an hour, which is well above minimum wage but...let me tell you where my money goes. I have a storage unit that costs $134 a month to keep. It holds all my worldly possessions so I am not eager to let that go. My phone costs $105 a month (I am on an old unlimited plan). I defaulted on a credit card a few years ago after losing my job and I owe an obscene amount of money to the bank (more than I make in a year). So, they draft $150 a month out of my checking to keep the dogs off me. My psychiatrist and therapist (two different people) cost me $150 a month. Due to a recent outbreak of rosacea on my face, I am seeing a dermatologist who charges about $50 a visit and the meds are through the roof (did I mention I don't have insurance?). Add in food, gas, staying on top of my paypal credit, Netflix and saving up for my own car; there isn't a lot left for me to work with.

You may notice there is no "rent" in there. I can't afford it. Nor can I afford all the utilities that come with renting my own place. I can't afford insurance or even a decent car payment right now. I am broke.

The hope on the horizon is a possible return to investigating. I would get a huge salary bump, benefits, paid time off, insurance...just be in a better world, money-wise. While those base charges would still remain, I could definitely afford my own car, which would be a nice step into independence. At any rate, the company offering me a job offered it to me in January. Before they will give me a start date, I have to pass a background investigation. As of two days ago, that investigation is almost complete (it is in the adjudication phase). But if you are counting, that is five months of me not knowing if I have this job that was offered to me.

Five months I have been stuck in limbo between hope and the despair of continuing my meager existence. I feel like I can't move forward on anything until I know about the job. I have a plan either way but, knowing would make it so much easier.

So, tomorrow I'll talk about my mood and motivation problem.

Food since last time: A large can of Spaghetti-os with shredded mozzarella cheese melted in it, along with half a 24 oz Dr. Pepper. For breakfast I had my SEC biscuit, three mini-cruellers, the rest of that 24 oz DP and a bottle of Cheerwine. For lunch, I had Totinos pizza rolls, a bag of peanut butter M&Ms and I am working on a 20 oz bottle of DP.

Pop Culture: Still listening to Sylvan Esso and reading Infinity Gauntlet. I did watch the season finale of Supergirl, so that is one less show for me each week.