Day 5: Mood and Motivation

Yesterday, I talked about some logistical hang ups I have. Today, I want to talk about more personal hang ups.

I have been diagnosed as having a Bi-Polar 2 disorder. The 2 indicates it is weaker than the original. When I cycle between manic and depressed, it is mostly just in my head. My outward behavior doesn't really change that much. My thoughts go from a depressed state where everything is horrible so why bother trying to the manic belief that I can change my life with enough big, bold moves...all attempted at once. As you can imagine, neither of these approaches are all that helpful. I accidentally accomplish some things in a manic state but usually slip back into depression and undo everything I've tried to do.

The main way to fight this is through medication. I have a psychiatrist for exactly this reason. While my therapist and I try to keep my attitude in the right place, my psychiatrist pretty much just sees me to medicate me. I am currently taking a drug called Latuda (you may have seen commercials for it) that works pretty well when I remember to take it. I try to take one every day after dinner but sometimes, you eat out and don't have your meds with you. Even then, I try to take one when I get home. Anyway, I think it is working ok to help me get mental distance on my depressed thoughts (being able to disagree with my depression is a big help) but not so much as a mood balance. I still cry at the drop of a hat and for the weirdest things, too. But that's probably a whole other story.

So, my meds are helping with my mood. I just need to find motivation. Unfortunately, at the core of my thinking is still this "why bother?" attitude. Trying to find a reason to try is one of my major quests and one I hope to succeed in while writing this blog.

Tomorrow, who knows what I will write about? Strategies for getting back on top? We'll see.

Food since last time: I had a medium combo from Burger King with a Bacon Double Cheeseburger. I also had an oreo milkshake last night. This morning, I had my SEC biscuit and three mini-cruellers with a Cheerwine. For lunch, a co-worker brought us Chick-Fil-A biscuits so I had a chicken biscuit. I went to a corner store and bought mesquite chips and a mini-bag of white chocolate Kit-Kats. I am drinking a 24 ounce DP.

 Pop Culture since last time:  Last night was game night with  my friends so I didn't read comics or watch TV. We played Mysterium, Forbidden Island and (my favorite) the DC Deck Building game.