One of the worst realizations as I get older in life is that I have no one to talk to except for my therapist. Once a month, I get to reveal my innermost thoughts to someone but I have to pay for the privilege. And as much as she is invested in my well being, there is something off balance. Last time, she recommended I stand up to my mother about not wanting to walk with her and when I balked, she withdrew the suggestion with the implication that I was being impossible to deal with. When you exasperate your therapist, something is wrong. I want very badly to speak with someone but I will have to wait until next Tuesday.
I'm not even sure what I would be talking about, to be honest. I am sad. I have been crying at every episode of the West Wing. I'm not sure what else I should be doing with my time. A few days ago, the tv was out, the internet was out and I had lost my phone. I have never been more lost for what I should be doing. One by one, these problems have been solved (the tv is still out) but I still feel overwhelmed and adrift. I am thinking of instituting a new work out policy by going to this health club near my house. I want to workout a 1/2 an hour a day. Probably on an exercise bike or treadmill. It will require washing oh so many clothes per week as I only have a few things that fit me. This is probably all just a nice fantasy. We'll see.
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